On Tuesdays, I go to the nursing home at our hospital to visit the residents there. One woman, Rhoda (not her real name), is in her nineties and has been having some difficulties. Ordinarily, she is very mellow and smiles all the time, but for the past few weeks, she has been extremely depressed and has been "acting out."
I am very drawn to this woman and her sweet spirit. Judging from the icons and articles in her room, I think that she is a devout Russian Orthodox. Unfortunately, I am unable to find out much about her background because of a lack of communication, due to her hearing loss. (She recently got new hearing aids, but within a week, they were broken.)
I was told that she currently has to be watched constantly because she has been hurting herself and others. This past Tuesday, she was asleep in a chair when I first arrived, but I kept watch and went to greet her when she woke up. I smiled and gave her a hug and she immediately burst into tears. And I was instantly transported to a time when the same thing happened to me...
Not long after my divorce, I remember someone touching me on the back as they spoke to me. Just a friendly gesture, but it brought forth an outpouring of tears. At the time, I was surprised by my reaction, but later I realized the impact that the human touch has on someone who is extremely lonely. As I followed Rhoda to her room and sat on the edge of her bed, she began to tell me about a time long ago when someone took her baby away. Her words are not always comprehendible, but this is a story that she tells on a regular basis. She talks about the day that her baby died...no one seems sure of the details, but Rhoda remembers this event as if it were yesterday. And when she talks about it, my heart breaks for this burden that she has carried in her heart for over 70 years. All I could do was hug her, cry with her, and pray that God would comfort her and take away this agonizing pain.
God's Word says that He has "kept track of my every toss and turn through sleepless nights - each tear (is) entered in Your ledger, each ache written in Your book." (Psalm 56:8 MSG) Only God can heal the loneliness of a broken heart. Lord, thank you for this vivid reminder of how much you love us and want to fill the void in our hearts.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Melancholy Me
Not really wanting anyone to read my blog...just needing to express my thoughts...feeling alone. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I read other blogs and they are cheerful and inspiring. Wish I felt cheerful and inspiring, but not right now. Perhaps another day. Need direction...wondering why I'm here.
What if every day is filled with work and activities and I never really have time to stop and figure out why I'm doing the things I'm doing? What if this cycle never ends and soon my life is over and I still feel frustrated and unfulfilled?
Doesn't everyone want a sense of direction...a sense of destiny? (Destiny: what will necessarily happen to any person or thing; (one's fate).) Are we supposed to know what our destiny is or should it be a matter of faith? "Now faith is the assurance (the confirmation, the title-deed) of the things (we) hope for, being the proof of things (we) do not see and the conviction of their reality - faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses." Hebrews 11:1 AMP
"Faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses." Sounds like a matter of trust. If we know that God is trustworthy, why do we have such a hard time trusting Him? In reality, He is the only one we can trust.
Lord, help me trust You. I am having a hard time seeing the big picture right now, but I know that You see it. You hold all things in the palm of Your hand. Me, my family, my friends, my circumstances, my worries and cares...everything. I want to trust You with my life. Thank You for Your faithfulness and patience. Thank You for Your unconditional love. (Please help me love others the way that You love me.) Thank you that You never change, regardless of how I feel. Help me to perceive "as real fact what is not revealed to (my) senses."
What if every day is filled with work and activities and I never really have time to stop and figure out why I'm doing the things I'm doing? What if this cycle never ends and soon my life is over and I still feel frustrated and unfulfilled?
Doesn't everyone want a sense of direction...a sense of destiny? (Destiny: what will necessarily happen to any person or thing; (one's fate).) Are we supposed to know what our destiny is or should it be a matter of faith? "Now faith is the assurance (the confirmation, the title-deed) of the things (we) hope for, being the proof of things (we) do not see and the conviction of their reality - faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses." Hebrews 11:1 AMP
"Faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses." Sounds like a matter of trust. If we know that God is trustworthy, why do we have such a hard time trusting Him? In reality, He is the only one we can trust.
Lord, help me trust You. I am having a hard time seeing the big picture right now, but I know that You see it. You hold all things in the palm of Your hand. Me, my family, my friends, my circumstances, my worries and cares...everything. I want to trust You with my life. Thank You for Your faithfulness and patience. Thank You for Your unconditional love. (Please help me love others the way that You love me.) Thank you that You never change, regardless of how I feel. Help me to perceive "as real fact what is not revealed to (my) senses."
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