New Year's Resolution

"Expectations breed contempt." I often remember this old adage...it is so true. I recently apologized to someone who told me not to worry about it. "We don't really have any expectations," she responded. Now that is a great attitude to have as you go through life. I only wish I could remember it.

Others have a way of disappointing us when our expectations are too high or unrealistic. But have you ever considered your expectations for yourself? Oh my...perhaps these high expectations would explain the fact that a large percentage of our self-talk is negative (over 90%, according to one of my previous pastors). I know that it's true of myself! How many times a day do I reprimand myself, by calling myself "stupid" or whatever derogatory moniker comes to mind?

What if, we trained ourselves to say something complimentary about ourselves when we make a mistake? I know this may sound strange, but face it, we are going to goof up, no matter how "mature" we are. Do you criticize your children or your friends when they make a mistake? More than likely, you encourage them to try again and remind them that "we all make mistakes." So, what if we cut ourselves the same slack? Years ago, I read a book called "Becoming Your Own Best Friend." I don't remember much about it, but I'm guessing that this was the kind of thing the author was trying to get across! (Guess it didn't sink in!)

So, as one of my New Year's resolutions, I am committing to stop myself when I start to be critical (of myself or others) and remind myself of what God would say: "Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying." (Romans 12:12) What if we are patient with ourselves (and others) when we make a mistake? What if we make it a matter of prayer? This should keep our thoughts in check when those disparaging words come to mind.

What if we find that it is not just a mistake, but perhaps we have sinned? Even then, God shows us His unconditional love and forgiveness. "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet He did not sin. Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." (Hebrews 4:15-16)

I am writing this blog more as a reminder to myself than anything. I feel certain that most of you don't struggle with this issue. But perhaps that is just another example of my negative self-doubts. If you can relate, then I pray that you will be encouraged! You are a beloved child of The Most High God. "For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world - our faith." I John 5:4

Validation

At some point in time, I suppose that everyone wants to know that their life has meaning. We all crave validation. Sometimes I wonder if we (my husband and I) are making a difference in this world. Ministering to people who lead busy lives can sometimes leave you feeling disconnected from those you are called to serve.

But once in a while, God sends a wounded soul in need of care...needing to hear that he is loved unconditionally by the God of the universe. And I am humbled that someone would trust us enough to be so vulnerable. I realize that if this were a daily occurrence, I might not be as humbled by it. Perhaps I would begin to think that I had something to do with it, instead of being in awe of what God is doing.

I look at the circumstances leading up to this moment and see where God placed certain  people in particular places in order to draw this one man to Himself. And I am even more humbled at the thought of God putting that much thought into each of His relationships...caring that much about every tiny detail of our lives. ("The very hairs on your head are all numbered." Luke 12:7) If the Creator of all things loves us in such a way, how can we do anything but trust His plan for our lives?

We are called to "walk by faith" (II Corinthians 5:7) because He has everything under control. That is Good News! We find fulfillment when God is glorified...He validated our existence when "He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him (Christ)." II Corinthians 5:21. We are the "righteousness of God in Him"...who needs more validation than that?

No Coincidences

I wake up contemplating my behavior in the past week. My vain attempts to fit in and my embarrassment at some of the stupid things I’ve said. I’ve reprimanded myself for caring what other people think…a lifelong struggle with the performance mentality that plagues me more frequently than I care to admit. Desperately wanting to be so secure in God’s love and acceptance of me (because of Jesus’ finished work on the cross), that the opinions of others don’t matter. But alas, I am blind-sided by my vulnerability to those opinions. And my introspection is debilitating.

As I lay awake mulling these things over, God in His mercy, blesses me with a phone call from a dear friend. Intervening before I waste another day in this neutralizing frame of mind. My friend, a kindred spirit, shares a few of these traits that we have always labeled as defects. And as I share my heart, she tells me about the blog she read yesterday addressing the exact thing I’m struggling with. I’m humbled because this phone call and the reading of said blog are not a coincidence, but an answer to prayer.

Tears well up as I read that being vulnerable is “beautiful” to God:

“I talk of (God) as a kind Father and a gentle leader, but that language rarely moves to reality without some level of uncomfortable exposure in my heart. I pray for ‘more of God’ but I rarely grow in personal, intimate understanding of Him without, first, wearing the kind of vulnerability that I seem to spend most of my time avoiding.” (everybitterthingissweet.com)

And so, I pray that God will remind me, especially in those most vulnerable moments, that my shortcomings should cause me to look to Him for strength. “So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” (II Corinthians 12:9) I don’t know about you, but I need constant reminders of this! 

Agelessness

I'm pretty sure the word agelessness doesn't exist, however, I like that it implies a state of being. And I think it applies to all of us...to our heart and soul anyway. Not that we don't embrace life as we age, but that we know in our heart of hearts that we are the same person we were when we were 20 or 30 or 40.

When I was in my 30's, I liked a Christian artist by the name of Twila Paris. She wrote a song called "Same Girl" and I have never forgotten her thought-provoking lyrics:

She’s still the same girl
Flying down the hill
She’s still the same girl
Memories vivid still
Listen to her story
And her eyes will glow
She’s still the same girl
And she needs you so

Last week, we were with a group of college students and one of them was talking about elderly people. She looked over at me and my husband and said, "No offense." Elderly? Seriously? To me, that word conjures up a very old, feeble person. This was a young woman who I had just been hiking with the week before...what about hiking on the cliffs of Kodiak implies elderly?

I realize that it was just a matter of semantics and immaturity on her part. I'm already laughing at myself, because I was so shocked by her comment. I don't mean to pick on her...as we minister side by side with young adults, I am constantly reminded that so many of them don't relate to older people. If only we could convince them that they're missing out on a wealth of knowledge and experience that only comes with age. I suppose it's just the reality of growing older and more mature - you come to realize that no matter what age we are, we're still the same girl (boy). I hope that you will keep that in mind as you look for someone to build a relationship with today.

She’s still the same girl
Wiser for the years
She’s still the same girl
Stronger for the tears
Listen to her story
And your heart will glow
She’s still the same girl
And we need her so