Plan Z

I’m pretty sure we’re on Plan J or K. Changes are part of life, but must they happen so frequently? It seems like as soon as I make changes to the plan, it changes again! My heart’s desire is to not be concerned about “the plan,” but to trust God with everything. But, I’m a planner…I can’t figure out how to stop planning…otherwise, how will everything get done?!

And so, I’ve decided to skip to Plan Z. That’s Z for Zzzzzzzs! I am tired of being stressed out over the outcome of my current situation. I am longing for rest from my labor. But there are so many variables: This needs to happen before that can happen, and another thing has to fall into place before I can complete something else, etc., etc. It’s complicated and I’m an organizer, so I plan. Lord, help me skip to Plan Z! I need to rest in You.

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11: 28) I even wrote a song about resting once…but it seems that I haven’t yet mastered it. (Is that an oxymoron?) “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7) Peace comes as a result of resting, which comes as a result of trusting God. “Be anxious for nothing” needs to become my mantra. There is no striving in resting…there is no stress.

And so I am challenged to wait on God; to submit my plans to Him and trust Him with the outcome. Trust. Rest. Peace. My heart’s desire is to truly know how to trust God’s plan and rest in it. And the subsequent peace is beyond “comprehension.” We can’t even imagine the power of God’s peace to give our hearts the rest we’re longing for. 

“My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” (Psalm 62:1-2) Lord, please help me to remember that you are my fortress and my soul can find rest in You. You see these things that I’ve been assigned and the adversity that I face. You haven’t abandoned me. With your strength, I will accomplish them in due time. Please help me to trust You with everything.

“…for He (God) Himself has said, ‘I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. (I will) not, (I will) not, (I will) not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let (you) down (relax My hold on you)! Assuredly not!’” (Hebrews 13:5 AMP)

Displaced?

Displaced. The feeling I have when I am in between worlds. In between my life in Alaska with my husband and this surreal life here in South Florida. Not really feeling like I fit in when I go home, after being gone for long periods of time, and not really connecting here in South Florida because I have long since moved away from my childhood home. I use the word “surreal” to describe being in my mother’s home in Florida because it used to be my home…it feels strange to be living in the place where I lived as a single mother with three children. Perhaps my remarriage and adventure in Alaska are just a dream? I know better, but the concept is a bit mind-altering.

Displaced. The feeling I have because I'm not actively involved in my children's lives. Maybe it's an extension of The Empty Nest Syndrome? Somehow I thought it was just a season of life, but the reality is that it affects the rest of your life. Maybe more so when your only goal in life was being a mom and having a career never really mattered. I don’t hear many women talking about the ongoing saga of the “empty nest,” but surely I’m not the only one who feels this way.

Displaced. Something I know is not true about my relationship with God. His Word tells me that I am “raised up with Christ and seated with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus.” (Ephesians 2:6) I am a child of God and loved with His “great” love (I John 3:1), an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)

In my real “spirit life,” I can never be displaced. I have a true sense of belonging that no person or thing on this earth can provide. So, I remind myself to rest in that truth…to keep my “mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.” (Colossians 3:2) I am secure in the knowledge that nothing can separate me from the love of God…“neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, not depth, nor any other created things.” (Romans 8:38-39)

And especially not my feelings. I can never be displaced.

The Dreaded Blog...

On the day that my mother died, I was reading The Psalms to her and one verse in particular evoked an emotional meltdown for me. I purposed in my heart to write a blog about it, but the events of that day dictated that I wait…

I say “dreaded blog” because I know that I can’t write this blog without tears. It has been almost three months since my mother passed away, but I am still emotionally vulnerable – the feeling that you have when you know that any small thing might bring a deluge of tears that will incapacitate you. I try to avoid those moments, which is challenging, as my task at hand is to sort through my mother’s belongings.

We had been reading through the Psalms together, and each time there would be one verse in particular that spoke to my heart. That day, we read Psalms 120 – 130. The verse that brought back a flood of memories was Psalm 122:1 “I was glad when they said to me, ‘Let us go to the house of the Lord.’”

It was totally unexpected, but when I read that verse, I was transported to my childhood. My parents were so faithful to their church. To a fault. As a young adult, I resented the fact that we had spent more time at church than we did at home doing things that other families did. It took many years for me to understand that the performance mentality I was raised with was not a reflection of God’s unconditional love for me. 

But as I read that verse on my mother’s last day, I had a deeper understanding of my parent’s church attendance. It was part of who they were. They were committed to God and took every aspect of their Christian faith seriously. Their intention was never to neglect the needs of their children, but rather to raise us up “in the way we should go, (so that) even when we were old, we would not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

And this revelation brought about tears of repentance for misjudging my parents. And thankfully, I had the privilege of telling my mother about this epiphany and thanked her for her dedication to The Church and her obedience to God. I hope that my parents understood that church attendance was not crucial to their salvation, but I believe that regardless, their intentions were honorable. I know that God sees our hearts and knows our motives and I’m certain that both of my parents heard Him say, “Well done, good and faithful servant…enter into the joy of your Master.” (Matthew 25:21)

Words That Define Us

“Every harsh word spoken

Every promise ever broken to me

Total recall of data in the memory”

~ Bob Bennett

This morning, I took my daughter to work. A friend’s name came up in conversation and immediately I was transported to a moment 40 years ago, when this person criticized me. A few minutes later I mentioned someone else, and the memory of an unkind word spoken to me by that individual flashed through my thoughts.

As middle-aged adults, we joke about losing our minds…more specifically, about forgetting things. So I’m asking myself: How do I remember one thoughtless moment four decades ago, when sometimes I can’t even remember something that happened yesterday? And I begin to see a pattern.

On a recent road trip, I listened to Joyce Meyer's book, Making Good Habits…Breaking Bad Habits. I find myself wondering if allowing these instantaneous disparaging memories to invade my thoughts is just a bad habit? What about all of the positive, complementary things that people have said to me over the years…I know they exist, but why is it that the damaging thoughts seem to outweigh the encouraging ones?

And where is God in all of this? If I truly believe that I am loved and accepted by Almighty God (because I am made holy by the blood of His Son), then why don’t these truths permeate my thoughts? How do the opinions of others supersede the fact that I am the apple of God’s eye (Psalm 17:8)? 

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Ephesians 4:29, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.” In light of the effect my negative memories have had on me, I pray that I will never speak words that will result in another person doubting their significance. When someone has a fleeting memory of me, I hope that it will be a word of encouragement that they remember.

As for myself, let me paraphrase the aforementioned verse in Ephesians:

Let no unwholesome thoughts continue to plague your mind, but only such thoughts as are good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that they may remind you of God’s amazing grace. 

I pray that God will help me forget “every harsh word spoken” and walk in forgiveness toward those who spoke them. From this day forward, I make a commitment to saturate my mind with God’s words – “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, DWELL ON THESE THINGS.”  

Eternity and Beyond

So many times when the room is quiet, with only the soft background music playing, I look up to see my mom sleeping soundly. When she's not snoring, I stare intently to make sure she's still breathing. And I'm faced with the stark reality that one day soon, she will take her last breath.

It's amazing how much peace I have concerning her destiny, once she is released from her frail earthly shell. The knowledge that she is getting ready to "put on" a new body brings a sense of joy to these difficult days. "While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it's not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life." II Cor. 5:4

I am very grateful that my mom is not experiencing any noticeable pain at the moment. But, words cannot express the comfort I find in knowing that she put her faith in Christ at a young age and believes that He made a way for her to spend eternity with Him. "Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord."   II Cor. 5:8

My prayer for you is that you would have this same confidence in your eternal destiny. I encourage you to seek God and He will reveal Himself to you. He created you to spend eternity with Him. "God showed how much He loved us by sending His one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through Him." I John 4:9

How about some real "FaceTime"?

It's almost comical, but almost every time I go to the hospital, my phone dies. And for whatever reason, most of the time I don't have my charger with me. I can't help but wonder if God doesn't want me to be distracted by electronic gadgets at the moment.

It's easy to understand why this applies to my current situation, as I spend my mother's final days of life with her. But what about other times? Perhaps we would all benefit from intentionally allowing the batteries to die in our smart phones, iPads, etc. once in a while.

I have often thought that social networking seems a bit anti-social. How many people put on a "smiley-face" and keep their status upbeat when in reality, they are lonely and hurting? Perhaps it's time to "log off" and look for someone to communicate with "Face" to "Face." Think about it. There will always be someone waiting for a listening ear, a hand to hold, or a shoulder to cry on...instead of a "status update."

Thanks for letting me vent...I have had countless hours to philosophize about so many things in life the past few weeks! I do hope that you will take this message to heart and share a hug (not a virtual hug!) with someone today!

An Amazing Legacy...

     Reflecting on your childhood must be a natural response to the Dr.'s proclamation, "Your mother has one to two weeks to live." I have total peace and confidence concerning her final destination... God has promised eternal life to all those who trust in the finished work of Christ on the cross.

     However, as I contemplate her physical death, I can't help but wonder if there's anything I need to say. Is she lingering because of some unresolved issue that needs to be discussed? Sadly, at this juncture, it would be a one-sided conversation.

     I am forever grateful to my parents for living their faith; For constantly striving to please God in everything they did. They exemplified Colossians 3:23, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."

     How many people do you know who have no regrets when they come to the end of their life? Although she can't verbalize it, I feel certain that my mom has no regrets. She served her Savior, her family, her church, and her employers well. She and my dad were among the chosen few that give 110% to every endeavor.

     So many people bear testimony to their love and service to the Body of Christ. They were never concerned about worldly possessions, but chose instead to give their money to the church and those in need. What an amazing legacy. It's humbling to have been raised by two people who were so unpretentious and humble. Even though our family wasn't perfect, I wouldn't trade places with anyone.

     I hope that my parents knew how much I respected them and appreciated the Christian example that they set for me. And the fact that we will all be reunited in heaven makes parting much more bearable. The Savior that they introduced me to has made a way for each of us to spend eternity with Him and with those we love.