Words That Define Us

“Every harsh word spoken

Every promise ever broken to me

Total recall of data in the memory”

~ Bob Bennett

This morning, I took my daughter to work. A friend’s name came up in conversation and immediately I was transported to a moment 40 years ago, when this person criticized me. A few minutes later I mentioned someone else, and the memory of an unkind word spoken to me by that individual flashed through my thoughts.

As middle-aged adults, we joke about losing our minds…more specifically, about forgetting things. So I’m asking myself: How do I remember one thoughtless moment four decades ago, when sometimes I can’t even remember something that happened yesterday? And I begin to see a pattern.

On a recent road trip, I listened to Joyce Meyer's book, Making Good Habits…Breaking Bad Habits. I find myself wondering if allowing these instantaneous disparaging memories to invade my thoughts is just a bad habit? What about all of the positive, complementary things that people have said to me over the years…I know they exist, but why is it that the damaging thoughts seem to outweigh the encouraging ones?

And where is God in all of this? If I truly believe that I am loved and accepted by Almighty God (because I am made holy by the blood of His Son), then why don’t these truths permeate my thoughts? How do the opinions of others supersede the fact that I am the apple of God’s eye (Psalm 17:8)? 

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Ephesians 4:29, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.” In light of the effect my negative memories have had on me, I pray that I will never speak words that will result in another person doubting their significance. When someone has a fleeting memory of me, I hope that it will be a word of encouragement that they remember.

As for myself, let me paraphrase the aforementioned verse in Ephesians:

Let no unwholesome thoughts continue to plague your mind, but only such thoughts as are good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that they may remind you of God’s amazing grace. 

I pray that God will help me forget “every harsh word spoken” and walk in forgiveness toward those who spoke them. From this day forward, I make a commitment to saturate my mind with God’s words – “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, DWELL ON THESE THINGS.”