Unintentionally Self-absorbed

Here we are, one year into retirement, and I still feel like I've had "the rug pulled out from under me." Going from being actively involved in dozens of activities to sitting on the couch contemplating what life is all about has spiraled into a full-blown battle with depression. Adjusting to life in an unfamiliar place has brought about an intense loneliness and paradoxically, the tendency to withdraw and become more introspective. I'm beginning to realize that this results in being myopic in relationship to the needs of others...unintentionally self-absorbed.

We recently heard Louie Giglio speak. We've been inspired by his videos for years, but had never heard him share about his battle with depression. One thing he shared that spoke directly to my heart was his fear that if he recovered from his depression, he would somehow be a "dialed-down version" of the man he used to be. That was it! I have been feeling like retirement is forcing me to be a dialed-down version of who I was. Louie's next words were powerful. We aren't called to be a 100% version of ourselves, but 100% Christ-like - totally dependent on Him, resting in His finished work.

Louie shared that one of our most powerful weapons in the midst of depression is praise. "Praise the Lord! Praise, O servants of the Lord, Praise the name of the Lord! He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap." (Psalm 113:1 and 7) But remember that praising God in the midst of depression has to be intentional. I have also been learning to be intentional about looking for opportunities to minister to others who are lonely and hurting. "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." (Philippians 2:3-4)

So many people attending Louie's event admitted to struggling with depression and even having suicidal thoughts when he asked for a show of hands. My prayer is that you will be encouraged, no matter what you're going through, remembering that God's "got your back." Please join me in being intentional to praise God and reach out to others who are hurting. "For You have rescued me from death; You have kept my feet from slipping. So now I can walk in Your presence, O God, in Your life-giving light." (Psalm 56:13)

Your Weary Heart

Do you ever feel like you've given all you have to give? Like you've poured your heart out and all that's left is an empty shell? Does your heart feel weary?

Jesus has something to say about this in Matthew 11: "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Imagine that! The God of the universe sees your weary heart and wants to exchange it for His rest.

I have been continually encouraged by Ruth Chou Simons (gracelaced.com) and I love her catch phrase: "Preaching to my own heart." When life overwhelms you and it seems like no one is there to encourage your weary heart, preach to yourself. God's Word is always there with truths to heal your soul.

God is our source of hope when we feel like we have nothing left to give. "Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary." Galatians 6:9 Don't lose heart in doing good. Don't grow weary. I don't believe for a minute that God tells us to do anything that He won't empower us to do. If He says we shouldn't grow weary, then He will give us the strength to overcome our weariness.

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 It's important to note that this verse follows Paul's confession, "I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am." (vs. 11) Even when I'm discouraged and feel like I don't have anything left to give? Especially then! Preach truth to your own heart!

Today, I'm preaching to my own heart from Philippians 4. It admonishes me to dwell on things that are true (vs 8) and comforts my weary soul with the knowledge that "God will supply all (my) needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." (vs. 19)

I encourage you to read Philippians 4 and pray that God will encourage your weary heart today!

Old and Gray

It seems to me that if our acceptance is found in the finished work of Christ, we should never have a reason to feel unworthy or unloved. I've been struggling with insecurity here in this new phase of life known as retirement. My desire is to be so secure in my identity in Christ that I'm not emotionally vulnerable when my circumstances change: Confident in the fact that God and the truth of His Word never change. Psalm 102:27 proclaims, "You are always the same; You will live forever."

In the process of writing this blog, I was overcome with emotion when I read Isaiah 46:4: "Even to your old age I will be the same, and even to your graying years I will bear you! I have done it, and I will carry you; and I will bear you and I will deliver you." Imagine starting to write a blog about the perplexity of retirement and inadvertently finding a verse about God's faithfulness in our old age. Thanks to Ruth Chou Simons for including this verse in her blog today...so timely for me. (And obviously for Ruth as well, although she's much younger than me! gracelaced.com)

Change often brings uncertainty and in my case, insecurity. I long for the truth of my security in God's acceptance of me to permeate my heart and mind. Psalm 119 is all about God's Word and the change it brings about in the lives of those who follow its precepts. "Your word I have treasured in my heart, that I may not sin against You...I have inherited Your testimonies forever, for they are the joy of my heart." (Psalm 119:11 and 111) If God's testimonies are "the joy of my heart," then it stands to reason that if I "treasure His Word in my heart," I will experience true joy. Not a fleeting good feeling that fluctuates when my circumstances change, but a true sense of peace no matter what I'm going through.

It sounds so simple, but it's been one of my greatest challenges in life: To fully rely on what I know to be true according to God's Word, in spite of life's ever fluctuating state of affairs. When I'm dwelling on the uncertainty of what lies ahead, I lose sight of the fact that God's promises never change. Never. Even now that I'm old and gray. (Yes, "even to your old age I will be the same, and even to your graying years I will bear you"!)

Social Media Fuels Insecurity

It's no secret that many of us struggle with insecurity. Whether it's the fault of our parents, society, or perfectionism, it's our reality. So often I reprimand myself for not remembering that my only true security is found in the fact that the God of the universe loves me unconditionally. To be secure is to be "free from danger or harm; safe." (dictionary.com) Conversely, insecurity stems from fear: Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of the future...we've all experienced fear, whether real or imagined. Social media can fuel our fear and wreak havoc on our insecurities.

Imagine finding out that a group of what you consider to be your closest friends had a party. It's all over social media...photos, tagging, liking, sharing, and commenting on what fun they had. #bestpartyever. Minor detail: You weren't invited. Not only that, but no one even commented that they missed you or wished you could have been there. It seems like your absence was intentional, but why? Have you done something to offend someone? Maybe they just don't like you? The possibilities run through your mind and the fear of rejection has you in its grip. The saddest part about this scenario is that you will probably withdraw, even from those who aren't involved, because you're convinced that this rejection is global.

I admit that I have put this much stock into something I saw on social media. I wasted a few too many tears because I was feeling excluded. "Wasted" is the key word...we can't get back the time or emotional energy we spend feeling sorry for ourselves because we feel left out! When we wallow in self-pity, we are focusing on ourselves instead of others. The Apostle Paul had something to say about this. "When others call down a curse on us, we bless them. When we are attacked, we put up with it. When others say bad things about us, we answer kindly."
(1 Corinthians 4:12‭-‬13) In other words, we are responsible for our response when we are offended. Knowing that God has forgiven me for my self-pity, I must look to Him for the ability to forgive others for their oversights, even if they are intentional; keeping in mind that "love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable and it keeps no record of being wronged." (1 Corinthians 13:5)‭

Dear fellow strugglers, my prayer for you in the coming year is that you will find your security in the only one capable of meeting our needs. He loves you unconditionally. "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging." (Psalm 46:1‭-‬3)