Social Media Fuels Insecurity

It's no secret that many of us struggle with insecurity. Whether it's the fault of our parents, society, or perfectionism, it's our reality. So often I reprimand myself for not remembering that my only true security is found in the fact that the God of the universe loves me unconditionally. To be secure is to be "free from danger or harm; safe." (dictionary.com) Conversely, insecurity stems from fear: Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of the future...we've all experienced fear, whether real or imagined. Social media can fuel our fear and wreak havoc on our insecurities.

Imagine finding out that a group of what you consider to be your closest friends had a party. It's all over social media...photos, tagging, liking, sharing, and commenting on what fun they had. #bestpartyever. Minor detail: You weren't invited. Not only that, but no one even commented that they missed you or wished you could have been there. It seems like your absence was intentional, but why? Have you done something to offend someone? Maybe they just don't like you? The possibilities run through your mind and the fear of rejection has you in its grip. The saddest part about this scenario is that you will probably withdraw, even from those who aren't involved, because you're convinced that this rejection is global.

I admit that I have put this much stock into something I saw on social media. I wasted a few too many tears because I was feeling excluded. "Wasted" is the key word...we can't get back the time or emotional energy we spend feeling sorry for ourselves because we feel left out! When we wallow in self-pity, we are focusing on ourselves instead of others. The Apostle Paul had something to say about this. "When others call down a curse on us, we bless them. When we are attacked, we put up with it. When others say bad things about us, we answer kindly."
(1 Corinthians 4:12‭-‬13) In other words, we are responsible for our response when we are offended. Knowing that God has forgiven me for my self-pity, I must look to Him for the ability to forgive others for their oversights, even if they are intentional; keeping in mind that "love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable and it keeps no record of being wronged." (1 Corinthians 13:5)‭

Dear fellow strugglers, my prayer for you in the coming year is that you will find your security in the only one capable of meeting our needs. He loves you unconditionally. "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging." (Psalm 46:1‭-‬3)

Happy New Year!

(I posted this on Facebook on January 1, 2017, but deleted it a short time later. I know a few people who are starting diets and was concerned that someone reading it might be offended. I was just musing and didn't have any specific resolutions in mind when I wrote this, but for now, I'm just leaving it on my blog page, but not sharing it on Facebook.)

Well, here we are…at the beginning of another new year. Have you made your New Year’s Resolutions yet? I’ve been thinking about the areas of our lives that we usually want to revamp and the similarities between our physical health and our spiritual well-being.

Eating healthy is usually at the crux of most dietary resolutions. I can’t think of anyone who would argue with the fact that eating right will make you healthier, more energetic, and if you’re lucky, thinner. But it seems like our commitment to most diets starts to fizzle out after a few weeks, or even days. Why is it that most of us wait until we have major health issues to make permanent changes in the way we eat?

In the same way, why do we wait until we have a major life crisis to turn to God for help? We know that partaking of God’s Word will enlighten and encourage us, but we seldom spend more than a few minutes reading it. Jesus said “I am the Bread of Life; he who comes to Me will not hunger, and he who believes in Me will never thirst.” (John 6:35) If you feel like you are in a constant state of spiritual malnourishment, the answer is simple: Come to Jesus. He is always there waiting to commune with you. “Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me.” (Revelation 3:20)

Personally, I need to eat healthier and I need more of Jesus. But instead of committing to a diet plan, I want to be intentional about eating healthy and exercising because I love my family and want to be around to watch my grandchildren grow up. And instead of promising to read my Bible and pray for a certain amount of time each day, I want to diligently seek God with my whole heart, whatever that entails. I want to look for Him in the faces of those I meet and in the beauty that surrounds me; I want to take time to be still and know Him (Psalm 46:10). And that’s my take on New Year’s Resolutions.

I pray that God will bless you and your family in the coming year!

Haters Gonna Hate

I recently posted some verses on Facebook and appreciated the encouraging comments from kindhearted family and friends. My post was in response to a hateful e-mail from someone – I was hoping that the verses might help others dealing with “difficult” people, but in the end, I had “Facebook regret” and felt like I had said too much.

“Stay away from (anyone) who is unloving and unforgiving; (who) slanders others and has no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good.” (II Timothy 3:3) I have been trying to wrap my head around how to “stay away from” someone while at the same time walking in love and forgiveness towards them. Reading Matthew 5:44-46 from The Message sheds some light on the subject: “Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer.”

Because my situation involves a family member, I was drawn to the story of David and Absalom. Imagine having to hide from your own son because he is trying to kill you. But, in spite of this evil plot against him, David continued to love Absalom. His prayers for restoration of the relationship were never answered, but his deep love for his son was evident in his devastation upon hearing of Absalom’s death. (II Samuel 18:33) For me, the challenge lies in continuing to love even if the relationship is never restored.

Psalm 3 was written when David was trying to escape Absalom’s advances. David responded with the “energies of prayer.”

O Lord, I have so many enemies; so many are against me.

So many are saying “God will never rescue him!”

But You O Lord, are a shield around me; You are my glory,

The One who holds my head high.

Victory comes from You, O Lord.

May You bless Your people. (vs. 1-3; 8)

There are times when we find truth in unlikely places. I don’t listen to much pop music, but Taylor Swift’s song “Shake It Off” helps add some levity to my current situation, as I seek God’s help in responding to “haters.”

“And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate

Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

I shake it off, I shake it off!”

With God’s help, I can “shake it off” and love my enemies. “You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.” Matthew 5:48 MSG

God's Unexpected Surprises

"Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4) I have always tried to be careful not to interpret this verse as if God is going to give us everything we want. I think it means that when we delight in Him, His desires become our desires.

This blog was inspired by a family of deer that has taken up residence in our salmonberry patch. It catches me by surprise every time I see them grazing on the grassy knoll just outside our front door. One day the realization hit me. When I was growing up, we went to the Smoky Mountains every summer. When we would spot a deer grazing in a field, my dad would park the car so we could watch it. Perhaps it was because we lived in the city, where we seldom saw any wildlife, but my entire family seemed mesmerized by these beautiful creatures.

I find it so incredible that decades later, God would bless me with an entire family of Sitka Deer living in my backyard. Coming out to graze at my front door. I am humbled by the realization that God gives the desires of our heart, even when we don't think to ask.

This past week God has given me so many unexpected gifts: The generous gift of sky miles that enabled me to be part of celebrating a dear friend's well-lived life. The blessing of time spent with my precious daughter and her husband. Being in South Florida just in time to celebrate another good friend's 60th birthday. Seeing quite a few "old" friends in spite of the brevity of my trip. And then, on my way home, what could have been a frustrating 52-hour layover because of a winter storm, brought the added surprise of seeing a friend who "just happened" to be visiting Anchorage at the same time.

If we truly believe that God ordains our steps (Psalm 37:23), then surely nothing that we view as an inconvenience or roadblock catches Him by surprise. A wise friend used to say that every moment is in God's plan...every breath we take, every place we go, every person we meet. And it seems even more evident when it happens unexpectedly, don't you think? I love it when God surprises us! "Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him and He will do it." (Psalm 37:5)

Warm Memories

We’re all familiar with the phrase “my life flashed before my eyes” when someone is faced with a life or death situation. We’ve seen it played out in movie scenes or perhaps have even experienced it in real life.

Two days ago, I had a similar epiphany when I received the sad news that a dear friend was not expected to live. It wasn’t my life that flashed before my eyes, but memories. Memories of time spent with this friend throughout our 40+ year history…recollections of so many memorable moments.

When you move to Alaska, everyone talks about coming to visit you. Who doesn’t want to take a vacation to Alaska? People mean well, but alas, when they check the airline ticket prices, they realize that it might not be in the budget.

We moved to Kodiak, Alaska in June of 2007. I heard from Susan a few months after we arrived and she said that she wanted to come and visit me in the wintertime. I argued that she should come in the summertime, when flowers are blooming, the wildlife is active, and the hiking superb. And of course there’s the obvious fact that it’s much warmer! (Warm is a relative term.)

Her response almost made me cry. She told me that she wanted to come when it was the darkest and the coldest because that was when I would be the loneliest. Even now, I can’t think of it without tearing up. She thought of my plight before I even anticipated it. What an amazingly unselfish act of love that truly exemplified empathy for a friend.

And so she came. In the dead of winter. Mid-February in Alaska, when most residents are clamoring to find a way to travel to a warmer climate. And in spite of the cold, we had a wonderful time…driving to all of my favorite spots on snow-covered roads and even hiking on icy trails. It is my fondest memory from our first winter here. I don’t really remember the darkness or freezing temperatures, but I will always cherish the brilliance and warmth of a visit from a true friend.

And so, knowing that the dreaded phone call informing me that my friend has passed is eminent, I choose to keep the many fond memories of our times together at the forefront of my thoughts. It’s comforting to know that we will spend eternity with each other. I see us exploring the wonders of heaven together and it’s difficult to fathom that Alaska is but a sliver of the majestic beauty we will experience there.

Desolation

My recent involvement with GriefShare has prompted me to contemplate loneliness. My heart goes out to the widows in our group who experience loneliness on a daily basis. Several of them have recently lost their husbands. Last night, one of them mentioned that whenever she goes somewhere, she doesn’t want to return home because going back to an empty house is almost more than she can bear.

If you look up loneliness in your Bible, you might be surprised that there aren’t very many verses that refer to loneliness. The word more often used is “desolation.” One definition of desolation is the “deprivation of companionship.” That is an accurate description of loneliness, isn’t it? Sadly, many people experience a deprivation of companionship even if they are constantly with other people. I can’t count the number of married women I know who experience extreme loneliness in spite of their marital status. Desolation.

“You’ve got one friend? You are lucky!

You’ve got two friends? You are blessed!

You’ve got no friends? It probably means you’re in the ministry!” quipped a Christian comedian. 

The audience laughed at her comments, but she went on to say that she wasn’t kidding. I don’t share this anecdote to evoke pity for me (as a pastor’s wife), but to point out that loneliness affects people from all walks of life. I think that when you’re in a position of leadership, people have a tendency to hold you at arm’s length, perhaps because they think that you will judge them. This adds yet another faction to the Lonely Hearts Club roster.

Psalm 77 reminds us that our feelings of desolation are nothing new: “I cry out to God; yes, I shout. Oh, that God would listen to me! When I was in deep trouble, I searched for the Lord. All night long I prayed, with hands lifted toward heaven, but my soul was not comforted. I think of God, and I moan, overwhelmed with longing for His help...Has the Lord rejected me forever? Will He never again be kind to me?” (Ps. 77:1-3 and 7)

Asaph continues to lament God’s alleged ill treatment of him until verses 11 and 12, “But then I recall all You have done, O Lord; I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago. They are constantly in my thoughts. I cannot stop thinking about your mighty works.” He goes on to talk about the “great wonders” and “awesome power” of God. (vs. 14)

Jesus experienced times of intense loneliness. “Behold, an hour is coming, and has already come, for you to be scattered, each to his own home, and to leave Me alone...” However, Jesus knew that in spite of His feelings of desolation, He was not alone – “…and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with Me.” (John 16:32)

What a comfort to know that God is always with us, especially when our feelings try to convince us otherwise. “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for You are with me.” (Psalm 23:4) I encourage you to seek God in your times of loneliness. Take heart because just as He restored Job, “God will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.” (Job 8:21)

Keeping it Simple

2016 has been a complicated year for me. Spur-of-the-moment decisions, unexpected adversity, grieving the loss of breached relationships…circumstances that often felt like more than I could bear. But in the midst of our trials, God encourages us to “cast all (our) anxiety of Him because He cares for (us).” I Peter 5:7

I recently helped an elderly gentleman in our church prepare to move. A gentle soul…some might call him simple-minded, but I think of it as more of an endearing childlikeness. Consider that Christ told His disciples that the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who become like little children (Matthew 19:14).  I love this man’s childlike innocence and the way he accepts what you say at face value. It’s so refreshing.

And I realize how much I long for life to be simple. To “make it (my) ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to (my) own business and work with (my) hands.” I Thessalonians 4:11 To not focus on the external but to “let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.” I Peter 3:4 “Precious in the sight of God” – at the moment, I can’t think of a more comforting thought.

But what do we do when life gets complicated? How do we keep things in perspective? Following Paul’s instructions to the Romans concerning being transformed by the renewing of our minds, he says not to think more highly of yourself than you ought to think. (Romans 12:2-3) And he elaborates on that idea in his letter to the Philippians: “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.” Phil. 2:3

Paul continues by saying that Christ is the epitome of humility: “Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men…He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” Philippians 2:5-8

I can’t help but think that there’s a connection between humility and simplicity. Obviously, if we are of humble means, we probably live a simple life. But I’m thinking more about matters of the heart. The childlikeness that I find so endearing in our elderly friend makes me wonder if embracing humility might be the key to living simply.  

And so in my quest to keep it simple, I pray that God will teach me humility. For “the reward of humility and the fear of the Lord are riches, honor and life.” Proverbs 22:4 Hopefully a simple life.