From Mourning into Joy

After attended several sessions of a GriefShare group, it became evident that grieving is anything but simple. It’s definitely not cut and dried: one, two, three, and you’re over your grief. I didn’t realize just how complicated it would be until I started working through it.

I know that I grieved throughout my mother’s battle with Alzheimer’s Disease. With Dementia and other memory disorders, you grieve the loss of the person that you once knew. When your loved one suffers from any terminal illness, there is a slow and painful grieving process as you watch them deteriorate.

What can make it more challenging, is that many times the person suffering from memory loss doesn’t realize that something is wrong and they resent the fact that someone is trying to help them do simple, everyday things. This anger and resentment is usually directed toward the primary caregiver. So, if you happen to be the caregiver and a family member, not only are you grieving the loss of your loved one’s intellect and personality, but you have to bear the brunt of their frustration because of the memory loss. This brings yet another level of sadness to the grieving process.

And to complicate matters even more, I’ve discovered that once you start peeling back the surface layer of your grief, it exposes the many layers underneath. The loss of a precious grandchild. The severing of an important relationship. The terminal illness of a close friend. Life is full of sadness and many times we grieve for losses other than death.

In my case, when I was still struggling two years after my mother’s death, I thought perhaps I hadn’t grieved properly. However, after completing the GriefShare program, I realized that there was a reason why my grief seemed unresolved. I was blindsided when a family member stirred up trouble, which ultimately caused a breach in one of the most meaningful relationships of my life. Grieving my mother’s death was eclipsed by this persistent grief that appears to have no end in sight. Consequently, the situation often seems hopeless and I have a difficult time “letting go.” But I know that God promises to be “our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1

And so I seek God’s help as I continue on this “journey from mourning into joy.” With the Psalmist, I pray, “O God, listen to my cry!  Hear my prayer! From the ends of the earth, I cry to You for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of safety.” Psalm 61:1-2